Avengers Unplugged

Nope, that ain't a misprint. There actually was a comic book series called Avengers Unplugged, and it survived for six whole issues before Marvel mercifully pulled the plug on it. It was a new monthly companion title to the ongoing Avengers series, only with considerably poorer story and art (which is saying something given how much the parent title had degenerated by late 1995). It was part of Marvel's ill-fated 99-cent economy line, though the content was even cheaper than the cover price: the plots were lame, the dialogue worse, and the art worse than that half the time; it was also an unusually sexist and sophomoric series, even for a comic book--the sort of stuff you're embarrassed to have in your collection. It was an honest-to-gosh Avengers series, though, so it bears scrutiny for the sake of completism. Each issue is given a listing with a plot synopsis, a cast list and additional notes as circumstances warrant.

Avengers Unplugged # 1

"Unchain My Heart" by Glenn Herdling, M. C. Wyman and Sandu Florea.

Nefarius--a maniac possessed of near-limitless superhuman power--is captured by the Avengers and brought to the Vault for imprisonment, but once there he breaks free and attacks fellow prisoner Moonstone, whom he hates for stealing the moonstone power from him years ago before he became Nefarius. Hercules, Giant-Man and Vision manage to defeat Nefarius after a fierce battle, and Black Widow convinces Moonstone to surrender and return to custody peacefully lest she face further charges.

Avengers Assembled: Giant-Man, Hercules, Vision II and Black Widow II.

Other Characters: Nefarius, Doctor Henri Sorel, The Guardsmen, Grey Gargoyle, Moonstone II.

Note: Moonstone wears a new costume for the first and only time in this story. Grey Gargoyle (who appears briefly as a Vault prisoner) is incorrectly depicted as having the dialect of a common street thug, as opposed to the learned character he usually displays. One of the Guardsmen is referred to as O'Brien, hinting that Avengers security chief Michael O'Brien may have gone back to serving as head Guardsman at the Vault, his previous job.

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Avengers Unplugged # 2

"The Day Gravity Went Wild" by Glenn Herdling, M. C. Wyman and Sandu Florea.

The gravity-controlling villain Graviton goes wild, disrupting the force of gravity all around him and claiming that he has lost control of his powers by fusing graviton particles with electromagnetic and nuclear particles. The Avengers investigate and Graviton tricks Giant-Man into exposing him to Pym particles, which Graviton incorporates into his energy field to become still more powerful, transforming into a super-massive "human white dwarf". Vision and Giant-Man join forces to increase Graviton's mass even further, though, and the villain becomes a living black hole that consumes itself, winking out of existence.

Avengers Assembled: Giant-Man, Hercules, Vision II and Deathcry (honorary). Black Widow II appears on the cover but does not appear in the story.

Other Characters: Graviton.

Note: Graviton wears a new costume for the first and only time in this story. Giant-Man savagely beats Graviton in one scene until Deathcry calls him off, hinting at a recurrence of Giant-Man's old mental instability. Giant-Man generates Pym particles to change the size of matter other than himself in this story, an ability he hasn't used in quite some time before or after this story. Giant-Man also generates Pym-particles that alter the mass of other matter in this story, an ability he has never been depicted as having either before or since this story.

This issue includes a two-page guide to the characters featured in "The Crossing", a storyline running through the Avengers-related comics.

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Avengers Unplugged # 3

"Ladies Nite!" by Mike Lackey, M.C. Wyman and Sandu Florea.

Black Widow and Crystal take a night off at "Bimboyz", New York's only male go-go pizza parlor, but are attacked by the rampaging Super Android Model F-4, which they defeat and destroy.

Avengers Assembled: Black Widow and Crystal.

Other Characters: Super Android Model F-4, Absorbing Man, Lyja, Human Torch II.

Note: This story takes place shortly before "The Crossing". Painfully bad jokes, scanty clothing and sexist blather abound. Heck, this thing reads sorta like a rejected first draft of the Spiceworld movie. Crystal somehow transmutes her and Black Widow's street clothing into their action costumes in this story. Black Widow somehow hurls a wrecked car through the air in this issue, supposedly using "leverage". Oddly, the police mistake Crystal and Black Widow for the Defenders, who have been largely inactive for years. This issue features a guide to the Avengers: Timeslide one-shot cast and a one-page profile of Captain America. This issue also features a house ad for the ongoing Avengers series; the ad reads "History in the Breaking" (presumably a reference to the radical Crossing-related revamps of the characters) and features Giant-Man, Vision, Wasp, Black Widow, Hercules, Thor, Quicksilver, Deathcry, Captain America, Crystal and Iron Man.

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Avengers Unplugged # 4

"The Old Ball and Chain" by Glenn Herdling, John Statema and Scott Koblish.

A small army of super-villains gathers to celebrate the wedding of Absorbing Man and Titania, but the Avengers stumble onto the gathering and attack in the mistaken belief that the villains are engaged in criminal activity. Once they realize the only activity in progress is a wedding, the Avengers depart as Absorbing Man and Titania are married.

Avengers Assembled: Giant-Man, Hercules, Vision II, Black Widow II, She-Hulk, Crystal, Deathcry (honorary).

Other Characters: Molecule Man, Klaw, Mister Hyde, Wizard, Stilt-Man, Thunderball, Piledriver, Brothers Grimm, Bulldozer, Hydro-Man, Volcana, Fixer, Absorbing Man, Wrecker, Angar the Screamer, Screaming Mimi, Dreadknight, Trapster, Titania II.

Note: Comics writer Peter David is depicted as the reverend in this story. Volcana shows an unusually bloodthirsty streak in this story by trying to fry Crystal for no especially good reason. Bad jokes and goofy dialogue reign.

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Avengers Unplugged # 5

"Legacies" by Glenn Herdling, M.C. Wyman and Sandu Florea.

The Controller mentally enslaves Avengers reservist Captain Marvel (Monica Rambeau) and dispatches her to abduct the alien adventurer Genis, who is also known as Captain Marvel since he is the son of Mar-Vell, the late original Captain Marvel. Monica defeats Genis and kidnaps him to Earth, where she summons the Avengers in the hope that they will free her from the Controller or otherwise prevent her from harming Genis. Vision frees Monica from the Controller's power and the assembled heroes apprehend the Controller, only to discover that the Controller is himself being controlled by an unknown third party. Impressed and humbled by Monica's superior power, personality and experience, Genis offers to let her keep the Captain Marvel name but Monica insists that he keep it instead as a sort of legacy from his father. Monica herself decides to adopt a new costumed alias as Photon.

Avengers Assembled: Vision, Captain Marvel II (becomes Photon), Starfox, Deathcry (honorary).

Other Characters: Genis (Captain Marvel III).

Note: The first page of this issue is an introduction to the Avengers in general and to Deathcry, Vision and Starfox in particular. The criminal mastermind behind the Controller is later revealed to be the self-proclaimed Master of the World, though his motivations remain unclear.

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Avengers Unplugged # 6

Untitled, by Glenn Herdling, M.C. Wyman and Sandu Florea.

Sean Dolan, the youth possessed by the Black Knight's cursed ebony blade, has lost the blade and steals its alternate universe counterpart, Proctor's sword, from Avengers Mansion, transforming into the Blood Wraith and battling the Avengers. While the other Avengers keep Dolan busy, Crystal retrieves the original ebony blade from its resting place in her devastated homeland Attilan, becoming ruler of Attilan's Alpha Primitives in the process; Dolan then reclaims his original ebony blade and regains his sanity, departing with the promise that he will better control the blade's curse in the future.

Avengers Assembled: Wasp, Quicksilver, Vision II, Crystal, Swordsman II (honorary member).

Other Characters: Edwin Jarvis, Blood Wraith, Valinor.

Note: The first page of this issue contains capsule introductions to Jarvis and the five Avengers featured in this issue. Swordsman II employs the Black Knight's atomic steed in this issue. Swordsman II says he and Proctor came from the same alternate Earth in this story.

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Special Bonus Feature:

Avengers Unplugged's Creepy Treatment of Women

As was noted above, Avengers Unplugged was a particularly sexist and juvenile series in an often sexist and juvenile medium. Here are just a few of the things that made me wanna wash my hands after rereading these things...

* Moonstone, a dangerous inmate of a maximum security prison for superhumans, is--get this--sunbathing when Nefarius attacks the Vault, so that the guards (and the readers) get to ogle her shapely, bikini-clad form. Moonstone's only real defensive effort against Nefarius is to offer herself to him sexually, but he beats on her anyway and breaks her arm.

* While females in general are drawn in a leggily leering T&A style throughout this series, issue 3 is especially bad as Black Widow and Crystal take a "relaxing" night off in sprayed-on, scanty dresses that a triple-jointed prostitute couldn't relax in. There must be more to these dresses than meets the eye, though, since Black Widow is whining about them being ruined once the battle is joined. I was half-expecting her or Crystal to muse aloud that "Math is hard."

* Not surprisingly, the pseudo-clad Black Widow and Crystal don't get much respect. When they attack a rampaging, near-mindless android, its shocked reaction to them is: "YOU--ARE--GRRLS." Later, when the android develops a highly enhanced intellect, it starts making lecherously sexist remarks about them as it tries to destroy them. Similarly, a terrified bystander fleeing the android manages to toss off a sexist remark or two at the ladies before he can gasp out anything else.

* Black Widow, aristocratically aloof Russian sophisticate, super-spy and femme fatale, is heard to utter "You go girl!" in issue 3. At least that's how it reads through the vomit stains on my copy...

* When the Controller mentally enslaves Captain Marvel, we're treated to a slimy scene in which he tests his power over his "sensuous slave" by burning a cigarette into her flesh and planting a sloppily wet kiss on her lips.

* Genis (the punk also known as Captain Marvel) and Starfox are relaxing in the company of jiggly, giggly, air-headed alien bimbos prior to Captain Marvel's attack. Which makes what happens next a tetch more credible, I suppose...

* Captain Marvel is smarter, more powerful and more experienced than her target Genis, and she has the element of surprise. So how does she take him out? Does she outfight him? Nope. Overpower him? Nope. Zap him from behind before he knows she's there? Nope. Instead, she seduces him, disrobes and zaps him while he's gaping at her bountiful bod. Heck, sex is the only real super-power girls have anyway, right?

* After proving she's more formidable than Genis in the end, Monica gives up her Captain Marvel alias to him anyway on account of Genis's family ties to the original Captain Marvel, Mar-Vell. Monica then adopts the rather generic alias Photon and flies off into obscurity while Genis-come-lately continues to play at being Captain Marvel. Goofy male biological heir beats a formidable female spiritual heir as far as Marvel editorial's concerned, I guess.