Well, all the celebrities have arrived, and Jan is wowing the crowds with her latest fashionable evening gown. Iron Man's armor is polished, and Justice is red-faced and flushed, but due to being giddy and starstruck or that his bow tie is too tight is anyone's guess.  The critics aren't expecting any surprises for this night's awards.   Avengers Volume 3 is a clear winner, with Avengers Forever a strong second place contender.

And now your host, Captain Ultra, with all original material, makes his opening monologue, and everyone laughs, mostly out of politeness. It just hasn't been the same since Billy Crystal left. And remember that awful David Letterman bit when he just kept spouting, "Uma.. Ultron... Uma...Ultron..."

BEST AVENGERS STORY/STORY ARC (presented by Millie the Model)

Avengers 19-22 (Ultron Undying)

runner-up: Avengers Forever 6-12

BEST AVENGERS WRITER (presented by Peggy Carter and Fabian Steinkowitz)

Kurt Busiek (Av. 13-24)

Runner-up: KB/Roger Stern (AvFo 6-12)

BEST AVENGERS ARTIST: PENCILER (presented by Captain America)

George Perez (Av 12-13; 19-23)

runner-up: Carlos Pacheo (AvFo)

BEST AVENGERS ARTIST: INKER (presented by Power Pack)

Jesus Merino (AvFo)

Runner-up: Al Vey (Av 13, 14, 19-23)

BEST ACTIVE AVENGER of 1999 (presented by the Watcher)

Firestar

runner-up: Giant-Man

BEST AVENGERS VILLAIN (presented by Starfox, right before he becomes an Avengers villain himself)

Ultron

runner-up: Kang

BEST AVENGERS SUPPORTING CHARACTER(s) (presented by the Guardians of the Galaxy ("Hey, everybody, we just flew in from an alternate 30th century, andboy, are our arms tired!" ("Who's writing this stuff?")

Beast

runner-up (tie) Black Panther

runner-up (tie) Warbird

BEST AVENGERS-RELATED COSTUME CHANGE (presented by Wasp)

Captain America-- return of the shield

runner-up: Alkehma

BEST AVENGERS TITLE (presented by the Living Tribunal)

Avengers Forever

runner-up: Avengers Volume 3

BEST SOLO AVENGER TITLE (presented by Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy)

Black Panther

runner-up: Iron Man

BEST AVENGER(S) APPEARANCE IN ANOTHER TITLE (presented by Nick Fury and Countess Angelina Melina Contesa Francesca Banana Fanana Mo Mesca De Fontaine)

Warbird in _Iron Man_

runner-up: the Avengers in _Black Panther_

ULTIMATE AVENGERS MOMENT OF 1999 (presented by NFL Superpro)

(tie) Giant-Man revealing he based Ultron on his own brain patterns

(tie) Rick Jones assembing the "Good Avnegers" of all cross-time

runner-up: Beast's guest appearance

BEST AVENGERS SINGLE PANEL OF 1999 (presented by Night Nurse)

The Avengers surrounded by Ultrons

runner-up: Thor and the team confronting Ultron

BEST AVENGER-RELATED WEB RESOURCE (presented by Jocasta)

Avengers Assemble! (well, duh)

(Editor's note:  Thanks!  As I always say, it's not "My" site, it's "OUR" site!)

And now a big half-time show, presented by Dazzler.

BEST MARVEL TITLE 1999 (presented by Bill Foster, Hank Pym, and Erik Josten)

Avengers

runner-up: Avengers Forever

BEST NON-MARVEL TITLE 1999 (presented by Scot Lang and Hank Pym)

KB's Astro City

runner-up: Tom Strong

BEST MARVEL WRITER (presented by Hogun, Fandral, and Falstaff)

Kurt Busiek

runner-up: Christopher Priest

BEST MARVEL ARTIST: PENCILER (presented by Lockjaw (with assist from Jack Russel, Werewolf by Night)

George Perez

runner-up: Carlos Pacheo

BEST MARVEL ARTIST: INKER (presented by Tagak the Leopard Lord, although he couldn't read the card and needed help from Captain Ultra)

Jesus Merino

runner-up: Al Vey

BEST NON-MARVEL WRITER (presented by Scot Lobdell, with much eating of crow to be had)

Kurt Busiek (Astro City)

runner-up: Alan Moore (ABC)

BEST NON-MARVEL ARTIST (presented by the Shaper of Worlds)

Brent Anderson

runner-up: John Cassaday

BEST PLEASANT SURPRISE OF 1999 (presented by Sonambulo, the Mexican wrestler detective)

Avengers: United They Stand

runner-up: Batman: No-Man's Land

HONORARY JARVIS-HEAD AWARD (presented after a long ceremony narrated by Jarvis)

Roger Stern

THE BUG-JAN AWARD (presented in after-awards party, so that the laughter and public humiliation wouldn't be as large-- not that the Spider-Man titles didn't give them enough public humiliation already.)

Mackie, Macchio, and Byrne for Spider-Man

"THANK YOU LADIES AND GENTLESUPERMEN! YOU'VE BEEN GREAT! WE'VE ONLY GONE

FOUR HOURS OVER OUR SCHEDULED TIME, BUT HOPE YOU'LL JOIN US NEXT YEAR!

THANK YOU, AND GOOD NIGHT!"